starting to write

i've recently begun attending a short creative writing course as part of the 'word of mouth' calderdale writer's and reader's festival. it's just what i needed at a time when i've finally started to see my literary ambitions as something to fully embrace. it's no longer something to be embarrassed by - if my writing is crap, so what? i enjoy it and express myself if nothing more and being scared of failure is no reason not to at least attempt to follow your dreams.

the course also comes following the recent revelation that i don't have to be unhappy to write! in the past, most of my most prolific periods have been during bouts of mild depression and general misery (if my pathetic self-pitying wallowing can be called that!) i now know that this is not the case, that creativity is not borne primarily of strife and that i don't have to be such a bloody drama queen. i will always be a drama queen anyway, but that's another entry entirely.

looking back at my old blog i found the following dramatic pondering on poetry and art. i still think 19th century American poet Carl Sandberg, was spot on when he said that poetry was 'like the opening and closing of a door, leaving those looking to guess what is seen'. this could surely apply to any kind of work of art?

it's interesting when reading the remainder of the post in relation to my recent change of perspective and shows how easy it is to mistake drama for truth and tragedy for art. not that i'm suggesting this is never the case, just that it's a restrictive, singular view of art and the world. there are other options and perspectives, but for some reason this is the one that stuck like a scratched record in my head for years ...

Nov 02 '07
The guy writing the article (Larry Towell - a photographer) comes out with a few belters of his own.

He writes of another photographer;

'[He] has documented many world tragedies ... yet he has not hardened his heart because, in the cobweb of political deceit, he manages to find a seed of truth. For every act of hate, there is a revolt against hate; for every act of violence, there is a revolt against violence'.

And from here goes on to say;

'Photographs remind me that a photgrapher can redeem his own existence, and the existence of those around him, by observing small beauties and hopes in apalling times'.

Those quotes apply to any kind of portrayal of tragedy through art, be it through photography as in this case, or through any number of other mediums.

let's leave behind the poetic tragedy of pondering again and return to the here and now. the teacher of the course is a writer called stephen may who has written a novel called TAG, a guide on how to teach yourself creative writing and also has a couple of plays under his belt. one day i hope to be able to make a living from my own attempts at creativity. i'm starting tentatively, but who knows? the beauty of our journey is that we have no idea where it will lead. stephen may is the first, real-life, published fiction writer i've met i think, and it's inspiring. even at university, i don't remember actually chatting to any writers, and it makes it all seem so much more within the realms of possibility.

which brings me to the memory that there was a poet who lunched at la luna recently... what was his name? ross kitely, i believe, though i googled him to no avail so i could well be wrong. he threw a few interesting words of wisdom in my direction that day.

i asked him what he was writing since i could see that he was reading a book of poetry written by women, and at the same time scribbling away. to which he replied that he was a poet, writing poetry. intrigued, i muttered shyly,

'i try to write poems sometimes'. he laughed a little, and said challengingly,

'come on, you either write poems, or you don't. simple as that. which is it to be?'

since then i've been (silently!) repeating the mantra 'i write poems' daily. soon i'm hoping i will also be able to muster the ounce of self-belief required in order to repeat 'i write short stories too'! and one day, i know i will be staring into the mirror with a look of steely determination in my eye - murmuring positive affirmations and visualising the fantastical objective of a completed novel. any novel at all, really, even a crap one would do! it's really only a very recent phenomenon that i can admit to this desire, so deep has it been buried in my psyche; along with dolls, enid blyton books and other remnants of my childhood self. how dare we dream?! that's what adulthood seems to teach.

however, i can't deny that many of the qualities required for writing are learnt in later life. of course much of it is imagination, but a massive amount of it is hard work. i'm a little worried that i don't have the stamina for a novel really. i've flitted about like the little faerie that i am, enjoying so many different pastimes, and i have to wonder - is this really the one? not so long ago i was convinced that i would stay in the mountains forever, frolicking in the snow and organising freestyle events with a little hospitality management thrown in as a back-up. prior to that i was completely and utterly lost. preceding that i almost sold my soul to the pr industry! at intermittent times i'd like to just sell every last belonging and travel the world as a free spirit, amassing wealth in the form of experience as i go. once upon a time i was going to be a prima ballerina, or alternatively a spy for mi5. i am 'interested in a lot of things but committed to nothing'? as for shantaram, this has been my constant anxiety. lately however, due to finally getting an inkling of perspective on myself - i've genuinely come to realise that the one constant, the one thing i always come back to - is writing.

a while back i read and saved an article written by murakami on the similarities between long distance running and novel writing. there were several parts that struck a chord - including his unconventional description of his 20s as 'ten tough years', without which he doesn't believe he would ever have been able to write novels, even if he'd tried. one particular quote always returns to me;

'writing is itself mental labour, but finishing an entire book is closer to manual labour'.

maybe someone should write a self help book for struggling writers? there's a definite gap in the market and there's no doubt that there are enough of us to allow bestseller potential.