notes on relationship

i'm trying to learn, not equations or Shakespeare, but how to be free - in the true sense of the word. pleasure derived from desire lights all too easily the funeral pyre, called thought. and life is frought enough with pain, misery, conflict and suffering. these we are taught from ages past of rage against the machine we find ourselves in. the subliminal conditioning that prevents us from ever experiencing True Love, in the immediate, spontaneous sense. where conflict has no place, where peace and love could truly live amongst our human race.

i strive daily to short-circuit the negative emotions which hinder the light of love. i mainly try to see myself, or i, as nothing but flux. a being at once, both whole and separate. trying to fly with clipped wings, through a learned process of thought and preconceived notions of what real life is.

thought process - memories response to lifetimes of accumulative woes, experiences, knowledge. what happens when it's stopped? is blocked? not when you drive a car but when you SEE, clear as an indigo ocean, that the me and the image create only limits. belief, conflict, psychological content, are one and the same. we need freedom from this skewed perception of truth, shallow, repetitive as it is. and then, when relationships lack such roots, perhaps we will find an alternate mode from which to view reality - from whence we accept, understand, and are liberated from life's bittersweet impermanency.

freedom, that sought after feeling, or is it emotion? not to be found in freedom fighters or highly esteemed writers. but often hiding shy in a blustery wind or a face up-turned to sky. freedom, that sacred thing for which the caged bird sings. this thing, inexplicable and irrevocably pure. but are we sure? does it really exist? sometimes i snatch a glimpse, a moment of illuminating white. a blank, bright light, where nothing really matters, but this.