L.O.V.E

to touch your soul through navy blue pirate's eyes might be love?

however, beware conditional attachment. emotions still rife in a mind tethered to the new wisdom of uncertainty and love, by only the thinnest of silver thread. this could have culminated in a zahir but i nipped the poison ivy in the bud. i've said it before; i want to experience the energy of unconditioned love. where possession doesn't come into it - when you are me, i am you and the world is us. how can this come into it when it concerns floating around with only half a foot in this dimension? i'd be forever envious of the world aside ... and what an interesting mind you have! anyway, we all need to work from the inside outwards.

apparently alcohol exaggerates his neuroticism and confuses his sense of time. such a tenuous link that he can't stop walking, trudging onwards; shaking off the manifestations of negativisms. (sorry, he doesn't believe in isms and neither do i. scrap that, eject it and rewind). which brings me to my next point - i'd prefer not to have a phone, have parted ways with facebook. those are unrealities that are not always healthy. yet he once said he pays more attention to his dreams than his waking life a lot of the time ... i can't grasp this as true. drunk on rum at the time though, so perhaps it wasn't.

back to this boy and he is beautiful. delicate features with a transparency which tell you his heart is good. a good heart and a complex head. i have to decipher and decode a lot of the time, though it's probably me complicating matters equally. we're different coloured lights guiding each other in ways we don't quite understand. we present a challenge with our opposing shades but illuminate the things we need to work on individually. we're teaching and testing each other, this is a good thing so long as it is healthy for both. i keep reminding myself to give, but only where the giving is also increasing my own energy, rather than depleting it.

yesterday we walked in the snow. i was half an hour late due to a last minute dash to make soup and cobble together nourishment for the walk. i also mixed some oils to re-balance his throat chakra - shall be intriguing to see how it works! as we walked through, i was surprised to see hundreds of people out sledging at shibden. it made for a magical, snowy scene and i insisted upon a sledge, although he looked none too keen. good, pure childish fun! i even took off at one point, soaring through crisp air and crashing down on sheet ice. a lovely walk.

when we got to bradford his squat had been locked. a handle-less metal door over the actual door that once opened. he's homeless but seemed to take it in his stride. it's happened and everything in the universe is as it should be. faith, hope and love make me sure that he will find his path... i respect the ability to say 'no' to society. the world needs them desperately, since there are so many that, unquestionning, only ever say 'yes'.

as an afterthought, some inexplicable element of the last few weeks has made me want to read the zahir by paulo coelho again. i have a strange feeling that i'll find things in it that didn't appear to me the first time around. it's beautiful to know that my own soul is guiding me in this way. looking back over the book i am remembering to forget my personal history and connecting much of what he talks about to old krishnamurti. how do i spread the energy of pure love? my soul must be unblemished, despite the years of accumulated knowledge. i must tell my story in minute detail to go past the 'giving up point'. when we manage this, everything changes. there is much to learn in this world, but there is no better place to start 'unlearning' than with love.