dream notes

i don't dream very often. when i do dream, it's usually because there are problems i'm avoiding or escaping from during daylight hours. it's my sleeping mind trying to work out the problems of my consicous mind, so it helps to pay attention to what's going on in my dreams. recently, i've had two bizarre dreams which have woken me up and left me unsettled.

the first was on boxing day. i found the bag i'd lost (in 'reality') with a pair of someone else's dirty knickers in it. not particularly impressed. then the dream jumped to being in a large, ramshackle house which reminded me of himmat. it was a house, but also a curry house. myself and sian were eating there in a fairly cold, empty and bare room. we were aware that some kind of racial unrest was building outside the house and there was an unsettling atmosphere. when i went to the toilets, the toilet paper was that hard, tracing paper stuff that you get in primary school. there was an asian man sat on the next table with a laptop and phone. communication seemed highly relevant and slightly suspicious. he was an intimidating character. when we left the house we heard the sounds of civil unrest! it seemed like a riot was starting, and so we ducked into the house next door.

after this i couldn't get back to sleep at all. eventually i stood up and did some yoga in the dark to calm myself before nodding off again. key themes seemed to be (mis)communication, difference and conflict arising from this. methinks the racism in this dream suggests that i may have been judgemental or discriminatory against somebody - falsely judging somebody because of the way they appear. i am practising non-judgement in my every thought so this is very relevant. it also represents my struggle to communicate thoughts and feelings, my growing unease with technology and instant, electronic modes of communication. there was also an apocolyptic atmosphere in the dream.

the second dream was last night. i don't remember as much detail about this one, since i didn't write it down when i awoke. all i remember is i was at a huge dining table in a restaurant about to eat a big meal. i was with loads of good friends though i can't remember which ones. someone was there who i thought was ben but looked very different in terms of clothes, hair and superficial appearance. this person was lying across the laps of several people on the opposite side of the table, as though there weren't enough chairs (despite the fact that there actually were). then ben arrived in more natural state - but i noticed he was wearing socks and jesus sandals! this is something i can imagine ... At the end of the dream my memory is completely disjointed, but the next thing i knew, a cat jumped onto my shoulder and urinated on me! what the...?!

i think this dream was actually several dreams as i kept waking up and going back to sleep, perhaps this is why it's so disjointed. i'm sure much more happened than i can remember. key themes seemed to be friends, perception of others, relationships. i think the shifting perception of that person and the cat are the main key here. the cat symbolises femininity, sexuality, power and mystery. it represents my own wish to analyse someone who i find difficult to interpret - and the cat urinating on me tells me that i need to forego my wish to control, analyse and understand others! concentrate on my own feet.

this all ties in if you look at snippets of this email i sent recently ...

nice to hear your voice yesterday. struggled not hearing from you over the weekend but time and space to centre myself was much needed and very welcome in end. cheers! hence i shall be laying off the text messages for a bit... tip toes treading carefully and all that. i'm even now finding it difficult to talk on the phone, one day i'll get rid of it.

a few words which the universe drew my attention to at precise moment you contacted me earlier this week;

"the two worst strategic mistakes are acting prematurely or letting an opportunity slip; to avoid this, the warrior treats each situation as if it were unique and never resorts to formulae, recipes or other people's opinions" !!!

poised intently with patience and speed in their respective places - and remembering the book you told me about... the law of least effort and law of detachment! these are lessons i didn't want to learn but now engaged with. not much idea what's going on behind those navy blue eyes of yours but you've been a catalyst for me learning good things.

spiritual growth first and foremost, reminding myself to concentrate on my own feet as i walk...

you should read some krishnamurti, he nearly had me running for the hills again. i've borrowed a couple of his books (on relationship and on freedom) but most of his teachings are also online. have a read; http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/ i'd be really interested to hear what you reckon.

also, i wanted to ask you, remember that night when you were drunk and rambling a bit - when you said you pay more attention to your dreams than when you're awake, did you actually mean that and what exactly did you mean? surely it has to be a balance between your spiritual and physical self? you are placed here as a human being for some reason, no?

i'm seriously trying to rid myself of the smoking especially now... though if what krishnamurti talks about is possible i should be able to free myself of thought process by concentrating and being aware of the actual habit of smoking and so never do it again! just like that. magic. the unconditioned mind. also contemplating moving out, i'm getting too lazy and hemmed in here.

be glad to see you soon if that is what shall be.
love to you lovely xxx

and as a footnote ...

i tend to dream when i am distressed or when there's something i am not facing in my waking life. when i am calm and balanced i simply don't dream. perhaps this is not the case for everybody though? sian said she dreams only when content; that when she has problems she needs to sleep uninterrupted in order to face them in waking life. perhaps this is the difference - perhaps i will eventually find the same. when i am more fully self aware i shan't need to dream to uncover the solution to problems. this makes perfect sense.