how to be an old-school consumer

pick each item up,
shake it, stretch it, test it.
hold it up to the light
check for holes or stains
and extort a discount
on force of pain.
let the shop assistant tut,
sigh, roll eyes to the sky,
or maybe she'll cluck -
proud of the display of
bargaining skills, which she
had thought lost.
at all times barter!
hark back to a world with
-out tills and microchips,
when coffers were filled
proffering goods or services
direct. buy only secondhand,
but not just vintage ladies!
get stuck in to rooting,
searching and looting,
not that i'm suggesting theft
(well, maybe from tesco's!)
steer clear of banks
as much as you can,
avoid the mobile phone,
and watch only re-runs of
very old programmes.
be at home in your own
old clothes and those of others.