wanderlust and romanticism

i want to go travelling. i want to experience different cultures, landscapes, people. all the different sights and sounds of a 'full' life. i want to sit in a rocking chair when i am old and grey - regaling my grandchildren with fantastical stories of my experiences. the things i have seen and done, the crazy situations i have found myself in, the vast kaleidoscopic multitude of variety within my long and chequered history. i would like to have such a life story to tell.

i want to know that i have given life everything i can. that my interests have been varied, because only boring people say 'i'm bored'. how right my mum was on that one. i'd like to have at least one great love. despite two four year relationships, i don't think i have experienced this yet, though the second one was a hell of a lot more on the right track! i would like it to be somebody who shares my love for the arts and for nature. somebody with their head in the clouds and their feet in the earth, like me. someone who wants to walk over ogden moor, travel the world, but most of all, somebody with whom i can simply be me. does this kind of relationship exist, or is it a fairy tale?

my mum reckons she's had one such relationship. but that he was too unstable so she knew it would never last, because she wanted a stable family for her children. (ha, she didn't get that either!) how strange it is how life turns out. you really can't plan it. but it would be nice to experience something like that i think. i never knew i was such a romantic.

anyway, for now i am enjoying being on my own too much. i'm learning lots every day. this single time really was way overdue. i find that i can think more clearly about what i want. it's such a relief after so long of living under a haze. it's also nice being home, enjoying the yorkshire-ness and spending some quality time with the family and old friends. i feel that i need to be fully at home here again, and also at home in my independence again, before i even consider the alternative. so that's where i'm at right now.